Thursday, December 21, 2006

the producer

Hollywood is a jungle full of underdeveloped species and not yet named flora that can kill. The tonic breeze of this town just gets better everyday. One wakes up in the morning, drinks her coffee and prepares for war. One walks outside her house and the battle to survive begins.
I met this 5ft tall man through a struggling actress friend of mine. He called himself a producer of a current Hollywood movie. As I happen to know a thing or two about moviemaking (yes, when I don't strip, I work in the "Business", movie making that is) this man joyfully started a conversation with me. The conversation turned into invitation to dinner, sign-a-confidentiality-contract-I-want-to-hire-you kind of thing. Check this out: He wanted me to do the budget and shooting schedule of this movie, without paying me and at my house. In other words he invited himself at my place over the weekend, "to work on the schedule".
The man didn't know that there is an actual job like a Production Manager or Assistant Director or Line Producer who actually perform these duties on a big shoot. I googled his name and found out that this was his very first movie. He never had any experience on the set. I searched his name on myspace and here's what I found: a profile where he says he's 39 (he's actually 50), has a picture of himself from the '80s, when he had hair and all of his friends are big breasted girls under 25 years old. Now, I said I'd give him a hint on how to start, but I didn't want him in my house so I wrote him an e-mail to excuse myself from his plans. This is his actual answer to my e-mail:
"I can't believe your email.
You had commited this Sunday with me several weeks ago, and now you have some you cannot miss, and on top you tell me this at the very last minute? I had set my whole weekend off to work with you, both Saturday and Sunday. I planned on staying with a friend on Saturday night, so I could be there on Sunday too. You screwed my plans. Your attitude has much to be desired and I do not appreciate it a bit. I opened a big door and opportunity for you, but you don't seem to have appreciated it. I do NOT need you nor I need anyone that does not show seriousness on what I'm doing and want to be on my team. So, from now on do not contact me any longer as your email address has been flagged to go direcly to the trash can. Your phone
calls will not answered any longer as well.
Shame on you"
Now, what should I do? Call him and tell him that I can't do the job unless I get hired to do so? or let him think he won this one? Or maybe let him do this to some other poor unsuspecting girl who may be sacrificed on the altar of Hollywood art? But why should anyone be a victim to his stupid grin that shows too much gum and to his terrifying body odor that he tries to cover with bad cologne? Or why should anyone be subjected to his extremely rude and pushy persona topped by a hair cut like the one Moe from the Three Stooges sports? Hollywood is full of opportunity. Hollywood is a place where one can fall upward. No one should allow creatures like this one to polute their business environment. Just say NO! ladies. Don't allow this kind of bully to intimidate you and therefore exist.