cheating
every time I do more than one lap dance for the same guy, I start a conversation. the first question that I ask: Do you have a girl? Do you ever fantasize about cheating? Who would you cheat with?
So far, not one man answered: No, thank you. ALL married, and in a relationship guys are ready, pants down.
Now, ladies, since we know this fact, we should stop wondering: Does he ever cheat on me? we should start wondering: Who would he cheat on me with? and How can I be more like his fantasy?
posted by silvia at 12:34 PM
27 Comments:
Not to put too fine a point on it, Silvia, but it seems like you're saying something more like "All guys who a) come to a strip-joint in the first place and b) have selected you for more than one lap dance say yes when you ask if they'd like to cheat on their partners." I'd tend to draw the line a little sooner, as when they went into the club in the first place, or (since some patrons insist they only go to strip joints for the food or for business meetings) when they decide to get a lap dance.
That's not to say you couldn't pursuade me to cheat (given enough time you might, though I tend to avoid getting into those kinds of situation.) Nor is it to say that we shouldn't try to be more like our partner's fantasies.
Good post though. Thanks.
figleaf
parole sante, ragazza...
The fact this is the norm is sad. Although I don't see getting a lapdance as cheating.
But it's true, it is the norm. It just doesn't follow that everyone conforms to the lowest common denominator.
I am not going to try and make myself his perfect woman. There IS no perfect woman - it's just fun having someone new. And if that's more important to him than me than I'm not going to get into a monogamous relationship in the first place.
you have a point, dana. but it's still interesting that all guys respond positively to my cheating questions. wouldn't it be easier if the woman they had would just act closer to their fantasy?
Il punto è che alla base di ogni rapporto c'è il dialogo e la fiducia. Se questo manca i rapporti vanno avanti per inerzia e per abitudine... per poi finire nella monotonia e quindi da una parte o dall'altra si va a cercare quel "brio" da altre parti...
Ciao Silvia..mi pare di capire che tu sia italiana
Vivi negli States?
Hai un piccolo spazio per me?? :D
Sono innamorato delgli States!!
Mi andrebbe di scambiare qualche parola se ti va ti lascio il mio indirizzo e-mail
cowboy77@libero.it
PS Sorry ma il mio blog è un pò arruginito ovvero da aggiornare
Ciao Silvia..se non ho capito male sei italiana.
Vivi negli States??!!
Stupenti..sono innamorato degli USA!
Mi andrebbe di scambiare qulache parola se ti va ti lascio il indirizzo e-mail:
cowboy77@libero.it
that's bogus. even the dirtiest, filthiest, most adventurous wife will eventually become boring to a husband who wants to cheat. she can do every single thing he asks for and he'll still want to get it (again) from someone new.
you are right, if the man wants to cheat, he'll cheat...but isn't it interesting that not one man told me: I wouldn't cheat on my woman?"
I cant believe what im reading!
Have you ever read 'Female chauvinistic pigs' and do you have any sense of pride?
Avril Levy was right when she spoke of how a few darft women have become so misguided theyare now trying to be like men, by pandering to and imitating whatever a 'man's fantasy' is supposed to be !
Yes partner's should pay attention to each other's sexual needs, but distorting yourself into some guys image isnt going to stop him cheating if he's the type, it will just mean he'l have hardly any respect for you, if you clearly have that little respect for yourself that you'l bend over backwards in pandering to a man.
Most intelligent women simply dont have the time or need to pander to men like this.
ive been with decent guys and cheaters. One had a habit of boasting about going to lap dancing clubs, where I didnt trust him. All that happened was he returned home to an empty house because I didnt need a guy like that in my life. I simply moved on to someone better as Im not exactly spoilt for choice.
Sadly, 99% of men seem to not be able to resist looking else where. My life is too short and precious to distort myself into some misgonistic image of a "fantasy" just so if he's of that inclination, he'l do it anyway
dear anonymous commentor
women should not distort themselves into a male fantasy. what I meant by "how can I be more like his fantasy?" was: listen to your man instead of being so much into yourself. know your man' thoughts, chances are that if you guys play his fantasies together you'll only get closer and sex will only get better, cause you sound like a woman who never had good sex because you talk too much and never read between the lines.
and by the way, it's not Avril Levy. it's Ariel Levy who wrote "Female Chauvinist Pigs", and when I wrote what I wrote, I never meant physical likeness to a male's fantasy, but psychological similarity to what he likes, in other words: know your man.
the definition of misogny is a belief system that blames women. Therefore blaming a woman for a man wanting to cheat because she is not close to HIS fantasy is deeply, inherently misognistic to the core.
I have had plenty of amazing sex but mainly because I ask men to adhere to my fantasy of a man, not self depricate myself into being an objectified image for him.
The defintion of 'misgony' is a set of values that seeks to blame women alwats and particularly for the behaviour of men. So placing the cause of a man's cheating at a woman not adhering to his 'fantasy', is misognistic.
I have had plently of amazing sex with hot men, predominantly because I demand what I want from them as MY fantasy, and dont simply objectify myself in accordance to simply what a man wants. Oddly enough, men seem to respect and be turned on by the strength of women who physically or pyschologically attempt to just mimic the male fantasy and know thier own minds.
ahh, so you have good sex because you demand them to play your fantasy. thank god relationships are about sharing and communicating.
two people talking monologues is not communicating.
misogyny is not spelled "misogny" or "misgony" and it means hatred of women, not blaming women for anything. it's the same hatred you have for men, only for women.
and I repeat: my post is about communication between sexes, it's not about body distortion into the male fantasy.
Look little miss spell-a-thon, I have a masters in social science so give a stuff about typos. I simply made the point that not all women are insecure and desperate enough to keep thier man that they would bend themselves into a pretzel to be 'his fantasy', in whatever sense, because if not, well it's there fault if he makes come on's to strippers!
It dosent mean they dont have great sex, it dosent mean they dont communicate with thier man and it dosent mean anything else other than they are strong, non self depricating and eager to sexually objectify themselves in an image favourable only to men.
I repeat, my post is not about "self deprecation" of women. neither women nor men should objectify themselves to become something they're not. my point is COMMUNICATION. if the couple communicates, the man, or the woman will have minds and souls dedicated to the relationship, rather then playing foul games. there would be no time for cheating questions.
since you've got a masters in social science, let me repeat that: NOTHING PHYSICAL BUT MENTAL CONNECTION. NO PHYSICAL DISTORTION OF WOMEN, BUT BETTER KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT YOUR PARTNER IS THINKING AND DOING. IN MY BOOK THAT IS BEING SOMEONE'S FANTASY. WE ALL WANT TO BE LOVED, WE ALL WANT TO BE ACCEPTED. NO PHYSICAL STUFF HERE. THAT'S WHEN ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP TO KEEP IT AROUND. BUT YOU COULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO OBJECTIFIES BOYS TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE VOID INSIDE HER, WHICH IS JUST AS BAD AS A MYSOGYNIST. At least that's what you're portraying yourself as in your posts on this blog.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
and by the way, I'm working on my PhD in Communication Studies, and let me tell you, it took a lot of spelling to get through my master's. Apparently where you're from, they don't care about spelling when they give you a master's degree.
Oxford University, England. where are you from miss lets be a mans fantasy or thats the reason he may cheat with strippers, after all this is what the topic of this posting started off as and you are defending
just realised whay am I bothering talking to some desperate ass stripper with a degree from most likely some crummy, run off the mill US state University? Living in the land of how shall we put it, the culturally challenged, LA.
You defend yourself after you actually said the words "Ladies the question should be who would he cheat with and how can I be more like his fantasy?" Thats pathetic and nothing to do with 'communication' it's just you being to deluded to realise that guys who make a habit of going those sort of places want cheap thrills from a girl who is nothing more than a silly play thing to them who will dance for scraps.
Oh and because I don't ascribe to your 'communicating' is twisting yourself into a man's fantasy because if we dont ladies he'll cheat, im man hating? Sweet heart take your LA stripper, Annabel Chong style 'im empowering myself when really im just easy' ethos and get a reality check. True empowerment is being nobodys fantasy but your own. Of course, that must automatically mean im a man hater, when I have a husband I adore and a 2 year old son.
Apparently in Oxford they just put a stick up someone's ass annd they don't teach them spelling in order to give them a Master's.
It's not the way they do it in Stanford, my dear. That's where I got my Master's. My PhD is currently going at USC, but I don't expect you to know what these fine schools are about, cause you probably can't focus 2 mm outside your own little universe.
The Post starts as follows:"every time I do more than one lap dance for the same guy, I start a conversation...(...) "
I never do anything but ask. They don't want to cheat with me, when they answer my questions, they admit they have the cheating fantasy.
Let me put this in smaller words, for you, Oxford graduate: They all dream of cheating. Now, if their women would know about this dream of theirs, they could play the "cheating" fantasy together. But if there's no communication between them, obviously he'll talk to a stranger about that.
"how can I be more like gis fantasy" brings us to role play. the best fantasy ever. If the man wants to cheat, give him what he wants. role play can be a lot of fun. but it takes communication for them to understand each other and to know about each other's needs.
Is that clear enough for you, my dear? or should I break it down even further?
...and stripping is not the way I "empower" myself. it's merely a way to make money. not all of us were born with a silverspoon in our mouth.
my degrees and knowledge are enough to keep me "empowered".
Who even believes you went to stanford? This blog of yours in overwhelmingly unacademic, smells of the postings of someone who does cheap lap dances (20s that is so cheap its a joke!) to fund studying at her local community college. Your ideas of "communicating" are just pseudo academia coming from a wannabe in La La land
Oh and even an undergraduate degree in England is considered higher than most Masters in the US, as the standards are a million light years higher. Do you honestly think anyone would even bother checking typos just to post on a blog like this written by some skanky stripper?!!!
guess what? this is a blog about sex, not academia. you read it, even though you've got a stick so far up your ass you can't even see the tips of your own shoes (sophisticated person that you are, you've honored me with your comments).
I'm done with my Master's and have one more year left of my Doctor's.
let me explain: THEY DON'T GIVE DOCTOR'S DEGREES, NAMELY PHD'S AT COMMUNITY COLLEGES ( I wish it were that easy).
Be well, my dear CULTURED AND SOPHISTICATED COMMENTOR. Nice chatting with you.
The comments were that the real fantasy that is all in your head is that you are doing a phD or have a degree at all. This blog is just the simple musings of a stripper who has maybe taken a class in some pseudo discipline. It's contradictory, incoherent and about some egotistical easy strippr girl who so wishes she had more to her.
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